DrkstShdOfBlk

update

Sat, 25 Jun 2005 23:33:48 GMT

ok well its been about severl months since i last updated.. n now ill let you know whats going on.. my best friend is melissa marie lawrow<even tho i dont kno if that is how you spell her name i have to go to summer school for math and us history BUT I AM GOING TO BE A SENIOR!!! and im at my cousins grad party.. thats all 2AM and the L6Crew much love kids where would i be without you.. lmfao

??

Fri, 24 Dec 2004 07:17:40 GMT

im not sure who left the comment in the last entry, but i think they got things wrong.
when i say i miss someone in here.. you dont kno who it is
when i said im sick of you, you dont kno who that was
every emotion is nameless
and obviouslli your not me,
so you have no idea what my wants heart
you dont kno my hearts deepest desires
the things no one knows
everything i keeped locked up inside of me
you just dont know.
until the day you walk in my shoes
love with my heart
cry with my eyes
and feel me hands tremble at every thought of "someone"
dont tell me that my head isnt clear.
because i know me.

Sat, 18 Dec 2004 08:08:12 GMT

i saw you today
and all my fears went away
i wanted to hug you and say hello
but then i knew
that isnt how its suppost to be
im not suppost to think about you
your not suppost to think about me
and i kno its wrong
but every time i look at you all i see is me
we arnt suppost to be nething to eachother
just a past in our lives

its been awhile since we talked let alone looked in eachothers direction.. but every time i see you... i want to say sorry

so this is how it is??

Tue, 07 Dec 2004 19:48:19 GMT

yea i guess soooooo, things are gettin a lil twisted up lately... i think in a good way tho who knows? spent the weekend with nichole and ashley again.. that was fun we chilled with danny dave and joe.. that was a good time all in its self, those kids act crazy as fuck when they drink.. lemme tell ya! lmao.. but yea i love my lil weekenders there great!!

today in school i cried rele hard. we had this woman come in and tell us about her son that has drug induced scitzophrenia<{spelling way off} and she had us listen to this tape of what her son hears in his head and it was really scarey.. she read us his suicide note and everything.. the guy is 27 and his brain is like this ASDLFKHASDLF;JKASHDLKFJHASDLKFJHALSKJGHASLKJDFH <all mush! but it was rele sad and i cried cuz i got freaked out and depressed. tonite i have to work till 830.. wohoo i wont miss my show~ One Tree Hill!! wicked excited crazy stuff is happening on it tonite. but for now that is my short update.. im gunna go back to talking to my buddies... ally hahahahahahahaha

Sat, 04 Dec 2004 06:30:59 GMT

im sick... sick of you

Fri, 26 Nov 2004 03:45:34 GMT

this is it.. nothing is rite you ruined all that i was
in the end im going to regret you being in my life
but this isnt the end
everything just hurts so bad
i'v made my mistakes and i cant say you were one of them
but letting this get to me so bad is.
i hate you for letting me do this to myself

Sat, 20 Nov 2004 19:28:17 GMT

just be thankful for what you got
because even if it isnt alot
its what gets you by

i know im on the edge again
and all i need is a lil push
my life was normal for once
then it went and got fucked up

im gone.. i dnt kno what to do... stayin with ashley this weekend
hopefully not gunna have to think bout the shit that haunts me every
other day

Thu, 18 Nov 2004 19:52:36 GMT

this week has sucked sooooo bad. but this weekend i get to spend with ashley so hopefully is will be alot better. have to work friday but the rest im with her, party, relaxin,just hanging out....
i cant remember the last time i just "hung out" with someone was, been awhile but yea i get to do that
who knows how things will end up though because every last weekend i have planned to be good has sucked cock pre-ty--damn--bad.
failing school.. couple reasons why but those will not be put in here.. we will just stick with the idea that i can not concentrate no matter how hard i try.
family things... been going good, i havnt fought with my mom at all or my sisters, havnt been grounded in a loooooong time<<that makes me very happy. and well in any other case things havnt been good.. i guess i'v changed and i know i have but apparently it isnt a good thing, maybe if someone would let me know how i'v changed i could fix things but everyone thinks that they should keep things to themselves:0/ i dnt kno.. im so lost in my own world rite now that i dnt kno what is going on... ally .......its only a story to tell

By The Time You Read This- If Hope Dies

Wed, 17 Nov 2004 20:09:14 GMT

I'm leaving right now, not for another moment.
Can I stand to bear the weight of your eyes upon me.
There's a weight that pressing on my shoulders.
Each step away takes so much effort.
But when you turn around next I still won't be there.
I've managed to kid myself about who I am.
For such a long time.
And about how you may have felt.
It's still hard to put into words.
Just how much you mean to me.

Those wonderful nights just seem so far away now.
I can look into the sky.
And almost see them, out there between the stars.
Of course I know you don't even see that much at all.
So when you look back I'll be gone,
and you won't have missed a thing.

Maybe this is better.
Because I'd rather you not see this.
How I'd scream at these walls.
Until I can't speak your name again.

I've managed to kid myself about who I am.
For such a long time.
And about how you may have felt.
It's still hard to put into words.
Just how much you mean to me.

I'll be gone when you turn around.
You'll only see the same empty space.
The space that we both shared.
This those memories that you've forgotten.
And I'll be running; I'll keep on running.
Because I'm leaving for good.
I won't be looking back, no I won't.

Running forward into the night.
I'll let it swallow me whole.
Maybe you'll hear me in the wind.
But then it will be too late.
To say goodbye.

Goodbye.

Tue, 16 Nov 2004 04:58:05 GMT

we dont exist
nothing was ever there
just a picture in your head
reality is a myth
only a story to tell

Fri, 12 Nov 2004 06:27:31 GMT

this is all what is expected
from the begining i knew my life was to good to be true.
from the day i was born and to the day i die
im bound to lose the things that are close to me
starting with a man who i called dad
to the ones i havent yet met
the things that make you happy
never last forever
the feelings wears away
and the person disapears
things are the way they should be
ill never understand why
but i guess i kno
it was all ment to be

rite???

And it starts all over

Fri, 12 Nov 2004 05:48:42 GMT

the weekend isnt even over and i dnt kno how good its going to be. it started off good, the middle of it was a lil fucked up.. and rite now, i just dnt kno.
this is the begining of the end all over again... im so lost my head is about to explode.
i dnt kno what im doing tomorrow nemore.. i have a doctors appointment so that fucked everyting
over for me and i work from 5 30 to midnite so i dnt no. im stayin at sara's and then getting rede
for amys party saturday. but i dnt kno to much about that becuase i dnt rele like neone going.. so
yeah for me i get to have a shitty time at my friends birthday cuz no1 will go for me.
all i want to do is get completly waisted and make myself feel like the world is p e r f e c t.
well, yea things happen that you just cant control and that is the way it is rite? so you
suck it up and let it happen.

ally

ill wait for nething...

This weekend will be different

Wed, 10 Nov 2004 20:53:06 GMT

ok well this is how it is... the last big weekend i had planned went to shit.. BUT this one will nite i will make damn sure of it because this weekend is amy's birthday weekend so nothing can fuck it up!!! OR IT WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH ME.

today, being wed. is the first day of our 4 day weekend and nothing good is happening excpet i get to work and sleep and my hunny bunny's house.
thrusday, well i am going to go Bday presnt shopping forrrr the wonderful amy and sleeping at my own home..
firday, hopefully hanging out with zach and then going to work at nite and staying at sara's mommy's spizot that nite.
saturday, getting rede for amy marie burn's HUGE EXCITING WONDERFULY GREAT bday partay...
and sunday well im just relax.

hmmmm i just cant wait for the good times start.. lol, but i didnt rele have much to say just felt like updating..

ally

........

Dont Think Your Shit Dont Stink

Wed, 10 Nov 2004 03:30:36 GMT

so what is with this? because this is crazy to me.. this stuff blows my mind more and more every day, im completly losing touch with reality and i just want things to be straight.
you kno how it feels when your sitting there and there are ppl all around you and then
you just feel like your all alone and like that is how your going to feel for ever...
thats the worst, even when you know the moment you hear their voice your world will be all
better.

things in school have been fucked... ppl are talking shit and i think its bout time i just
stop being nice and just beat the shit outta someone BECAUSE i have friends that i have to back
up... you wanna fuck with her, you have to fuck with me. dnt talk shit like we dont know ur doing
it. stop being the lil bitches you are and just fucking come tell me because i dnt wanna
here this bull shit from other ppl.

i cant wait for this world to become a better place.. hopefully that time is only days, weeks, or months away.. i kno i could wait for years or even till the day i die but i want this now.

im tired.. i got things off my chest and i cant stop thinking so im going to bed.

ally

........

Sun, 07 Nov 2004 21:20:26 GMT

"I let myself fall into a lie
I let my walls come down
I let myself smile and feel alive
I let my walls come down
No matter how i try i don't know why
You push so far away
You wrapped your hands tight around my heart
And squeezed it full of pain

With this knife i'll cut out the part of me
The part that cares for you
With this knife i'll cut out the heart of me
The heart that cares for you

I can't believe the way you took me down
I never saw the pain
Coming in a million broken miles
Like poison for my veins

The hate and the fear
The nightmares that wake me up
In tears
The nightmares and the hate..."

^^^^ WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS TO ME.. DO YOU NOT REALIZE I DNT CARE THAT YOUR NOT IN MY LIFE ANYMORE if you dont want me to talk to you or go near you ok, im fine with that, but stop fucking IMing me and giving me shit.. just thro it out if you dont want it.. because that shit isnt staying with me after you have had it. Not to mention you dumb asshole that, you made me feel the same way.... if you dnt remmeber YOU LIKED MY FRIEND>:-O so leve me alone and maybe we wont have these bullshit problems anymore!!!!!!!!!

i moved on.. WHY DONT YOU

ally

--Just Tell Me -

Sun, 07 Nov 2004 04:22:00 GMT

yea.. well this evenings plans didnt go the way i wanted them to.. but i still had fun. i went to that football game and we won WOHOO and then i ended comming home cause kims mommy wouldnt let me sleep there, but its ok WE WILL HAVE OUR TIME!! so i stayed home with my mom and we rented a movie and ate spagetti.

i dont kno what i doing tomorrow yet but it will prolly be nothing near exciting becuase thats how weekends tend to be for me lately, hopefully i will go somewhere cuz i rele dnt feel like sitting in my house all day long. maybe i can see kim tomorrow, who knows? but im going to be looking.

im on count down for the jingle ball.. Twenty4 days and then after that hopefully the godsmack concert.. but im not gunna get my hopes up. o yea and Blink 182 is going to Darien Lake too, i dnt kno that date but i guess after they get back from the europe tour.. i know for a fact i will be going to that one!

i have a feeling the next few days are going to be wierd becuase things have been acting up with everyone lately.. everyone has been rele touchy bout lil things.. hmmm cant way to find out how things run///\\\

o yea and monday is Mrs Amy Marie Burns's BIRTHDAY!! WOHOO the big OnE sIx....... wicked excited for her.. HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY AMY {with hand movment and all} love you grl

and well yes its bout time for bed cuz im a lil tired.. so im done

ally

- i told you--

Sat, 06 Nov 2004 05:53:31 GMT

We both want the world
But we both know that this gets old
If I could open up my chest then maybe
I could find a way to give you
Just a little piece of my heart

Sometimes I would rather cut your lips
Right off your face than kiss them goodnight

But then, sometimes
You can make a room feel perfect when you try
Because a mouth full of lies will leave a sour taste
That cuts just like a knife as it slides down your throat

Yeah you would give up the world and fall to your knees to show me that you care

We could believe in windows but behind the broken glass are fairy tales

In her bedroom I am throwing pieces of what I wish I could be
Knowing that someday in her bedroom she will know
Yeah, here we go

If I could find your eyes from across the room we have to try
Not to throw away this happiness
If the air explodes between us then this is more than just a feeling

Today I woke up missing you another day goes by alone

We could believe in windows but behind the broken glass are fairy tales

In her bedroom I am throwing pieces of what I wish I could be
Knowing that someday in her bedroom she will know
Yeah, here we go

Not every movie has a happy ending
But frame by frame I learn to love you
When I see flowers bloom in your footsteps

I learn to love you
I learn to love you
Frame by frame
Here we go

In her bedroom I am throwing pieces of what I wish I could be, yeah
Knowing that someday in her bedroom she will
In her bedroom I am throwing pieces of what I wish I could be
Yeah, here we go

-- this is only a small part of me-

THE STORY OF THE YEAR

Fri, 05 Nov 2004 20:32:30 GMT

awesome day.. wasnt all that great in the begining but it is now i guess.. i have to work soon wich sucks but its ok because i get to go work with steph and kimmy!! speaking of kimmy, im wicked excited i hope you can go to that concert Sum 41 TheStoryOfTheYear and Explosion!! because we got the BEST fucking seats ever and well it will be fun, lets just stick to that.

so anyways, not a clue what im doing this weekend.. hopefully chillin with kimmy {i think i mite let her cut my hair} kinda scary but i think i think i think i can trust her to do it starte unlike when i let tricia do it >:-o she had it looking like shit. so yea this is something im trusting her with becuase i love my hair alot!!

but yea... things have been a lil twisted up in my world, not sure where this is going but im trying to figure it out... and i guess as long as it stays in this direction im happy with things.

time is runnin low on me.. so im out..

ally

dreamer**

Sick Of Me- Green Day

Wed, 03 Nov 2004 21:10:15 GMT

Why can't you just admit it, you've had it, you're
sick of me
You're fed up with all my bad habits, you're
sick of me
To your lies you've become so desensitized
sick of me
Lost regrets and you say that your mad at me
sick of me
Wonderin' out the door
I am on to you
Your comin' back for more
Am I losing you?
Like a dog that just pissed on your barbecue
sick of me
Losin' faith and you still don't know what to do
sick of me
Losin' health and now you hate everything and you're
sick of me
It's a waste but we still keep on tryin' you're
sick of me
Wonderin' out the door
I am on to you
Your comin' back for more
Am I losing you?
So you got your problems
So you got it alright
Do you have a conscience?
Do you have a reason?
Well I'm sick of you too.
Wonderin' out the door
I am on to you
Your comin' back for more
Am I losing you?

Bad Day

Mon, 01 Nov 2004 21:03:36 GMT

well.. wtf man, bad weekend, bad morning, bad day, and prolly a shity nite. but who knows? hopefuly things will be lookin up soon. I dnt understand how things can be one way at one minute then completly diff the next. this past week has blown my mind. everything about it the good and the bad ITS BEEN CRAZY!!! but im curious to see where this all ends up becuase i cant rele tell.

i noticed lately that ppl dnt understand me to well.. do i not speak my mind, i mean i thought everything i am was pretty obvoious but i guess not because i havent been getting along with ne1 for a while.. but guess what. if you dont want me apart of your life then ok.. because i dnt need you to get my self by in life.

everyone needs to understand I AM ME BECAUSE THAT IS WHO I WANT TO BE.. >:-0 DONT FUCKING TRY AND CHANGE ME BECAUSE IT ISNT HAPPENING..

wow.. i hate you

ally

Trick Or Treat YESSS lmao

Fri, 29 Oct 2004 18:34:22 GMT

well this weekend is going to be fun.. i have tons of plans but rele its all going to be sort of random because well if i dnt feel like followin' thru with them.. i prolly wont. but yea its friday and we had a 1/2, i came home cleaned the house spotless and then went and got my check with my mommy. Then tonite i have to work FIVE TO MIDNITE!! how gay, yes i kno. but hey money is money so i gotta do it. then of course i am staying at amy's IM SOOOO EXCITED MAN! me and my grls finally get to chill been too long. but yea yesturday was fun i guess, hung out with zach, mike, corey, "don" and justin.. what a good time freezing our asses off at the football game.. NOT. o yea and someone else was there and well you kno that just wasnt akward at all!!!! YEA RITE.. i felt so stupid i just wanted to die rite there. but thank god we didnt stay there to long. we left and went to get mike some money and then went to McDonalds{i swear its like i live there} but yea then they brought me home.. the nite wasnt to bad.. i was happy when i got home and i had my lil sis picking on me ALLLLLLL NITE.. i love her so it was good other wise i woulda beat her down. but yea, my life is no where near interesting so ima stop this thing short..

ally

:-)

somethings changed

Thu, 28 Oct 2004 20:37:34 GMT

ok well.. this is how it goes, i know i havnt writen in a while but guess what.. im writing now so its all good rite? rite! well summer ended quite a while ago and its actualli almost halloween and i barley have done anything.. i dnt even see my bestest friend anymore... all i do is WORK!!<i hate that stupid shit. but yea.. this weekend i get to spend it with sara and amy.. IM SO HAPPY, we are going to the Uconn game saturday and then erica's partay that nite.. then sunday we are juss gunna chill around and wait till we can go trick or treating.. hahaha, we are some pretty damn cool kids. but i dnt kno what to say.. the school year has sucked ass so far, no one and nothing intersting ever happens! but i dnt kno.. hmmm something new, something new, something new... humm o yea!! well everyone guess what.. me and zach are talking again CRAZY yes i kno.. but im happy, i dnt think he rele knows how happy i rele am and he prolly never will but its ok.. bcuase i kno i am. but he is sick rite now.. i feel bad, i want to go over there and make him chicken soup{<rite kim} lmao.. but yea ANYWAYS things are going pretty good for me rite now, hopefully they stay that way because im not in the mood to be miserable again not for a while neways. o yea.. and i think im failing 11th grade wich is rele rele sad seeing as its still the first quarter. so im going to have to kick ass the next one. but humm diddy dumm yea thats about it.. nothing rele changed or happend.. so i dnt kno.. lata yea and wow this is how dumb i am.. i had to look up the word for my emotion icon "lethargic" wow BIG WORD.. and well it rele isnt what mood im in but i like it.. so im using it ally *smile*

gettin rede for wrk

Thu, 16 Sep 2004 20:34:31 GMT

holy shit, well i planned on writing this long as thing.. but then i looked at the clock and i have to be to work in less than a 1/2 hour!! so its not gunna be.. sry.. but school isnt bad, but you kno work sucks.. ANDDDD well o yea today is kenny's birthday and yesturday was chelseas.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIDS.. LOVE YOU GUYS!! and well that is all i have time for today.. ill see you again soon!!!

allyyy

holy shit.. i think i love you!

?????

Fri, 03 Sep 2004 19:44:07 GMT

iite well, im brd out of my mind and i have been babysitting all day, i hate doing that but fuck it i get paid for it.. im gunna be going to work soon and i deff dont wanna do that either, but o well gotta do what i gotta do..

havnt seen will in awhile, he went thru the drive thru the other day and i sorta talk to him, but o well every time i go to call him i realize he is still working then after that i just forget but owell.. im sure i will eventualli talk to him..

o yea and school.. that is starting soon, how gay!! Mr Gurniak is fucking my homeroom teacher and i dont understand how the fuck my councler can do that to me because she knows all the problems i had with him last year.. ima deff get that shit switched!!! i gotta call and make an appointment to talk to her soon.. but other than that my schedule was good o yea minus the idea that i have gym first fucking block.. EWWWWW that is so gross.. ima beat someone up, im not energetic in hte morning ima FAIL sooooo bad.

but other than all that, life has been so/so.. im so confused too, i stayed at sara's house the other nite and i talked to her about a bunch of stuff, cryed a few {alot}of tears and realized how confused my heart and head rele are.. i cant tell what it wants because everything is so screwed up.. i keep getting fucked up vibes so i dnt even know.. i just dont wanna hurt nemore so i cant tell if what i like is rele what i want or if all i want is to get over the bad feeling that i cant seem to make go away... not that it makes sense to anyone else but that is rele how i feel and it sucks.. there are times when i just want to fix it but i realize nothing is going to be solved unless i do it the rite what.. i just cant figure out what the rite what is:0\

ally

??i think i need you??

HA ha HA ha HA

Wed, 01 Sep 2004 16:54:39 GMT

wow, im like going insane!! i woke up at 12 today and rite away i started cleaning and doing laundry, and now i am doing this.. not sure why i even rite this shit because no1 reads it neways, but its goodi like too. but i have to work tonite wich rele sucks but i guess I mite be going to Matt's band room tonite with sara.. I HOPE THOSE PLANS WORK OUT THIS TIME!!! and tomorrow i should be going to the mall.. WOHOO i cant wait to go shopping it is my most fervate thing to do, when i have money at least.. but yea after i get home from the mall i have to work agian, i hate work!! it rele sucks but i get paid for it so i do what i gotta do. well, last nite i actualli updated my life for the past week.. and i dnt kno what else to rite in this one.. so im done..

ally

my hearts pain is fading